Reassurance
by Atheniandream
Summary: Between Not knowing and Never wanting to.


Title: Reassurance  
Author: atheniandream/Jawbreakerchick/Paisleychick, my alter egos :)  
Email: atheniandream@aol.com  
Content Warnings: Angst, Romance, other stuff  
Pairings: Sam/Jackish kinda  
Spoilers: Paradise lost, and about every episode that's s/j  
Season: Six  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Between Not knowing and Never wanting to.  
Author's notes: Saw paradise lost and just had to write an 'ADD ON'  
Hopefully not like everyone elses, so read pwease?  
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of   
Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA,  
Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is   
for entertainment purposes only and no money  
exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original   
characters, situations, and story are the property  
of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the   
consent of the author.  
  
Reassurance  
  
Between Not knowing and Never wanting to.....  
  
Here she was, and she'd halted in response to it.  
It was *His* door, sturdy and dividing. A meagre representation of what always stood between   
them.  
Not the regulations, nor doubt or confusion and disallowing one another.  
It was Fear.  
Fear of loving,   
Fear of acknowledging the love and giving back with ten times as much as it was received with.  
And fear that once they allowed each other that they couldn't let go of it.  
Her motive had been simple, pure and one hundred percent 'friend seeking out friend' related.  
She hadn't seen him since he'd gotten back. She was too scared that he'd blamed here entirely.  
And she couldn't' blame him.  
It was her fault.  
But in standing at the door, her posture stiff and tension in her arms. Her eyes narrowed,   
and her headache still resonated from previous events already forgotten.  
She stood.  
A new motive.  
  
She *Had* to know.  
Before she couldn't ask.  
  
"Carter, come in." He mumbled soundly as she shut the door behind her.  
The on her face wasn't the reassuring one that he saw every day.  
A month on a planet didn't make him forget that.  
"How are you Sir?" She asked quietly.  
He calmly ignored her question.  
"What's wrong?"   
Her eyes flickered up underneath her eyelashes as she sat down in the chair in front of his   
desk.  
"I need to ask you something Sir,"  
"Sure. Shoot." He didn't move from his seat.   
Something in his mind, buried under a pile of '"Yes Sir"s "I care about her"s wouldn't let him.  
  
She sucked in a quick breath, but her body as still tense.  
Needing a release.   
It needed to hear that.  
It didn't even matter how he said it.  
But maybe it's effect, if strong and potent enough.  
Could stop her hurting, pull her from all the guilt and pain that pebble-dashed her mind and   
blemished her heart.  
  
"Do you love me?"  
The first time. It made sick to ask.  
"What?" He reply came from a blinked astonishment.  
"Do *you* love me? I need to know. Before something happens again. To either of us."  
Simple enough question. But could he bare t answer her?  
"I. Carter, I don't...know anymore." A moment of honesty.  
  
Like a knifed rejection, it hurt, even if it wasn't, causing her to stand-up. Step back. And   
forget.  
"I have to go Sir." She mumbled almost quietly. "I have to go."  
"Wait, Carter!" he called out for her. Hoping that she'd give his leg a rest and stop.  
Stop and turn around.  
But she didn't.  
What was he supposed to say?  
It was the truth.  
He just didn't know anymore.  
He didn't know if could do it. For them to loose each other and not even know how to react.   
To see each other get hurt, and not know if they could touch each other, even be there for each   
other.  
So it was easier to tell the truth than go out on a limb.  
And tell her.  
  
  
All she wanted to do was Sleep.  
Eat her dinner.  
Watched the television, and fall asleep on the sofa, just like normal people. He had barely   
been home in the last month,   
As determined and focused as ever she been. She fought with her Co-workers, with Hammond, and   
even with her heart.  
Those damn things don't last as half long as people say.  
But despite all the things that Samantha Carter wanted, she never ever got any of them.  
A knock came at the door, loud and rudely intrusive.  
Cursing, she crawled off of the sofa, wrapping the thin quilt around her and slowly waddled to   
the door.  
  
Two eyes peered around the door, causing him to jump slightly. He winced at the damage that he   
had done to his leg, and alternated his weight onto the other foot.  
"Damn it Carter, don't sneak up on people like that!"  
"It's my door, Colonel," She yawned opening the door, still reluctant from her earlier behaviour.   
"What do you want?"  
"Uh, I think that we need to talk,"  
"'Bout what?" She barely even looked at him, uninterested with what he had to say.  
"I think you know, Carter."  
"Well, either come in or go." She mumbled, turning down the hall. "I'm busy." She lied, knowing   
that he wouldn't leave.  
"Why?"  
She sighed at his questioning. After it all, she didn't need this, she needed to be left Alone.   
"Look. I'm tired, okay." She still tried to fob him off, ignoring him following her into the   
lounge.  
  
"I love you."  
"Wha.... what?" Her brow furrowed as she looked up at him.  
What was he saying?  
"I'm in love with you."   
Her silence was enough to cut their awareness to dust. She just stood there. Not quite knowing   
what to do. Whether to stand, sit or fall.  
"What?"  
"CARTER!!!" Why wasn't she happy? He'd just put himself on he line.  
"What do you expect me to say to that, Jack?" She flung her arms stiff in response.  
And was fully aware of the fact that she was starting to cry again. Over him. Again.  
Her passionate use of his name didn't disturb the raw awkwardness, and he still stood there,   
not quite knowing what to do either.  
"That you love me back." Honesty. This was new.  
  
And that was it.   
  
She wanted so desperately to hear it from him.  
When she knew, she knew that he couldn't say it.  
But he did.  
"I can't say it."  
It didn't mean though, that she was prepared to return the gesture.  
Laughing dryly in response to their awkward predicament,  
To which she laughed back, rolling her eyes at him.   
They were a mess.  
Whether they loved each other of not.  
  
And that was their reassurance.  
  
And they spent their evening. Him sat on the sofa with the remote. And her laid on a pillow   
in his lap. Dreaming of things to come, things they'd gained and lost, and just revelling;   
in the fact whether they loved each other or not, didn't matter.  
"How's your leg?"  
"S'okay. Still got a head ache?"  
"No. It's going now."  
"Good."   
  
Because one day they would.  
  
That was there reassurance.  
  
Each other.   
  
\/\/\/\//\/\//\/\/\//\/\/  
Likey  
No Likey?  
Feed me anyways,  
Athena :) 


End file.
